I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
