Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
