He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
