i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
