There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
