At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
