girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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