We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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