oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
