Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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