I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
