I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
