I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
