The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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