Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
