I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
as a side note pls kill me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
