I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
