Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
