Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
