meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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