yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
