i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
