Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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