do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
