there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
