Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
