spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
