yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
