no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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