I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize