After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize