i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
