He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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