Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
