I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
