Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
