Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize