He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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