I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
