Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
