the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize