I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
