I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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