After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
