Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
