I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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