Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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