i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
