the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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