I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Lo siento on account of my penis...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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