Cold hands, warm shart.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
