you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
