I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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