my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize