Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
