Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
