He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
