Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
