so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
