just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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