I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
