By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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