Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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