Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
